He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
