Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
