pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
