your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
