I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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