New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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