mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
