I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
