I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
