This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
