I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It all started with a game of naked twister.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
