Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
