Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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