I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
