Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
