dude i'm inner monologue high
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
