I smell stomach acid.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
NoShamevember. You game?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
