I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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