remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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