Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
