non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
