Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
