I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Found your dick twin last night
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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