So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
