I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
