I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
