Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
