i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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