I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
