is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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