i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
