You work out of a Hotel?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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