I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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