The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
