every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
