there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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