WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
