i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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