You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
