Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
