my mouth tastes like poor choices
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He felt like a one man threesome
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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