talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Apparently you make a good broom.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
