Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
