I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
