I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Randomize
