Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
