Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
