OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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