Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
