Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
